The Testimony of Steve Bedard

There are times when we look at our lives and we wonder where God is. We look at the current moment and it seems as if God is a world away. But when we move away from that snapshot of the moment and look instead at the big picture, at the documentary of your past, suddenly God's involvement becomes much clearer. There have been many times in my life that I have felt God forsaken, but as I look back I can see that God has been with me every step of the way. I would like to share my story with you and encourage you that God loves each of us no matter what we have done and that His desire is to have a close relationship with us.

I grew up in St. Catharines, the only child of two wonderful parents. My parents took me to the local Anglican church where I attended Sunday school and learned about the stories of the Bible. I remember as a young child having a strong faith in God. I just could not understand how some people did not believe in God. As I entered my teens, I became more and more involved in church. I joined the junior choir, became an usher, an altar boy, a Bible reader and a chalice bearer. It was one day during my role as a chalice bearer that I experienced a major change in my spiritual journey. My responsibility as a chalice bearer in the Anglican church was to administer the common cup of wine to each person in the congregation. As I would offer them the wine, I would say the words, "The blood of Christ, shed for you." One Sunday, when I was in my mid-teens, as I said those words I realised that I did not believe it. I had attended church because I was expected to, not because I really wanted to. It was my parent's faith and not my own. I had no idea what to believe about Jesus and I felt like a hypocrite saying those words when I really did not believe them.

Within a matter of weeks I resigned from all my responsibilities in the church and I stopped attending. My plan was not to permanently give up on the church but rather to begin a spiritual journey looking into different religions, outside of the confines of the church. However, I soon found that it was easier to seek a life of fun and partying than it was to seek after God. In my late high school years, I entered into a life of heavy drinking and I openly proclaimed myself to be an atheist. In some ways this seemed to be a freeing experience since I did not have to worry about morals imposed from the outside. I could do whatever I thought was right. But instead this was a very low time. Life seemed meaningless and I had no direction. As I entered university, my drinking got heavier but I began to have doubts about my atheism. I looked at creation, at its beauty and complexity and it was hard to believe that this came by chance, that it was all a result of a random mixture of chemicals. I looked at the human body, a machine more advanced than any created by the most brilliant scientist. I came to the conclusion that I did not have the faith to be an atheist. It takes an incredible amount of faith to believe that everything is the result of an accident. I knew I did not have what it took to be an atheist and so I surrendered to the fact that there was a God. But what God? The only thing I could tell is that some intelligent being was responsible for the universe. However, I had no idea who that God was. There are so many religions out there, why should I pick Christianity just because I grew up in a Christian church? I felt a lot of pressure to find the answer to this question since I knew my response could have effects on my eternity. So I asked the one person I thought could answer my question. I said a silent prayer to God, acknowledging that I did not know who He was but that I would really like to know. I concluded the prayer with my hope that the true way was not the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Within a couple of weeks I had my answer although I did not know it at the time. My cousin had walked by a used car lot and was offered a job. He worked there a day and then was offered a job by a different company that he had applied to. My cousin called me and asked if I wanted the job. Since I was broke, I readily accepted the job. I soon found out that these people were Christians and not like any Christians I had ever met before. They did not leave their religion at church on Sunday mornings, they tried to live it all week long. This was pretty radical to me. They began to share their faith with me. At first it was all right. They would ask me to stop working so that they could talk to me about Jesus. I would basically get paid to sit and listen. Much of what they said sounded good. I liked the idea of having a Jesus that loved me enough to die for me. But I did not like the idea that having Jesus as my Lord meant I could not live my life any way I chose. I enjoyed partying too much. The longer I went without becoming a Christian, the more frustrated they would get with me. They began to get very aggressive in their witnessing and I felt that it was time for me to leave. I needed to get away not just because I wanted to be away from them but because I wanted to get away from God. God began challenging me on how I was living my life. I had this sense that as a sinful person, I was not in a good position with a holy God. I did not become a Christian at that point for two reasons: 1) I did not think that I was good enough to be a Christian and 2) I did not want to become a Christian just because I did not want to go to hell. So I left the car lot and this time I truly began a quest for God. I began reading the Bible regularly and I prayed to God for guidance. I even went back to the Anglican church. I tried making changes to my lifestyle but it was difficult. I started to cut down on my drinking since I saw that the Bible clearly said that being drunk was wrong.

The test came when and a friend and I decided to go down to Mexico after exams in university. This friend had been my drinking buddy and so he assumed that we would both spend our two weeks drinking excessively. I explained to him that the Bible said we should not get drunk and so I would not get drunk. I wish that it had been that easy. I tried to be good. I suggested that we not go to a bar but rather have just a few drinks at the hotel. Instead I got drunk at the hotel and then went to a bar anyway. At the bar my wallet was stolen with a significant amount of money and all my identification. Then for some reason I was asked to leave the bar. The fact that I can not remember the reason tells me that it must have been a good reason. After leaving the bar, I ended up wandering the streets of Puerto Vallarta while my friend was still in the bar, unaware that I had been asked to leave. I knew that I was in rough shape and that I could not find my way back to the hotel in my drunkenness. So I began looking for a place to sleep my alcohol off. I tried a number of things and then I spotted a lady walking down the street. I followed her home and knocked on her door, asking her to let me come in and stay the night. For some reason she did not let me in and so I sat on the curb feeling sorry for myself. I should have felt sorry for myself elsewhere because soon a police car showed up and off I went to jail. Everything before entering the cell is foggy, everything after is completely clear. Going to jail was literally a sobering experience. I was in a small very dirty cell with about twenty other people. I was the only tourist in the jail cell. I was quite frightened and I tried to keep to myself. I only slept about a half hour that night. In the morning I asked the guard how I could get out of jail. He indicated that I needed to provide some money. I told him that my wallet had been stolen and that if I could call my friend at the hotel, he would bring some money for me. The guard told me that there would be no phone calls and that I would pay or I would not get out. I felt completely panicked.

How could I possibly get out of this situation? Just then, I looked up and I saw Jesus… at least a picture of Him. Mexico is a very Catholic country and there are pictures of Jesus everywhere. But when I saw that picture of Jesus, I knew that was my only hope. I remembered reading in the Gospel of John about praying in Jesus’ name. So I prayed the most sincere prayer of my life. "Lord get me out of jail, in Jesus name." Perhaps fifteen minutes later, one of the other people in jail who I had not spoken to, approached me and offered to pay my way out if I paid him back at the hotel. It did not take me long to agree and before I knew it, I was out of jail. This was an amazing thing to have happen to me. Not only was it really nice to be out of jail, but this is the first time that I had actually witnessed an answer to prayer. I knew about prayer but I thought it was just another religious duty like singing hymns or reading the Bible. I never thought that God would actually answer a prayer. But the miracles were not over yet. I mentioned that I had lost all my identification. I was a little nervous coming back from Mexico without any identification. When we arrived back in Toronto, they were asking to see everyone’s birth certificate and I did not know what I would do to prove who I was. They asked to see my friend's birth certificate but when it was my turn, they simply said: "Are you with him? Go ahead." I was the only one on the plane that they did not ask to see identification. This trip to Mexico did a number of things for my spiritual life. It showed me some of the dangers of alcohol and played a major role in stopping my alcohol abuse. It showed me that there really was a God out there and that He was interested in us down here. But perhaps the biggest lesson was about God’s grace. I deliberately sinned in Mexico. I knew what the Bible said about being drunk and yet I got drunk anyway. When I ended up in jail, I got exactly what I deserved. And yet when I prayed that prayer, God got me out of jail despite my sin. If I were God, I would have let me stay there for a while.

But God loved me apart from what I had done. This example of God’s grace forever changed my life. I decided that I was ready to live the Christian life. I stopped abusing alcohol and I stopped swearing. I started going to church regularly, I started tithing, praying and I read the Bible front to back a number of times. I was very good at living the Christian life. But I was still missing the peace that I was looking for. Our Anglican priest mentioned Billy Graham as a well respected Christian and preacher. I became curious and so I started watching his crusades on television. I enjoyed his sermons and I agreed with all of his doctrine. But when he had his altar calls, I felt uncomfortable, almost like he was talking to me. I could not understand why since I stopped doing the bad things and I started doing all the good Christian things. And yet this uncomfortable feeling happened every time. It got to the point that I would listen to Billy Graham’s sermons, since I enjoyed them so much, but I would shut off the television before the altar call. Finally, I realised what was happening. God was not just expecting me to live a Christian life, He was expecting me to surrender my life to Him. I needed to make Jesus Lord and that meant giving up control and allowing Jesus to have the final say in my life. I finally wrote in to the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association to order information on salvation. It took a long time to arrive and I began to think that maybe this was a good thing and this decision had just been an act of emotional weakness. Then one day, the package arrived. I let it sit on my dresser for a few days because I knew that the moment that I prayed this prayer, my life would never be the same. Finally I opened the package, knelt down beside my bed and I prayed what is commonly called the sinner’s prayer. I asked forgiveness for my sins and I asked Jesus to be my Saviour and my Lord. My lifestyle did not look much different the next day, as I had already had been living like a Christian.

But the moment that I prayed that prayer, I received the peace that I had been looking for. That is not to say that my life was now perfect and that everything was good. There still were challenges and much to learn but now I had a purpose and direction in my life. Now I was no longer alone but I had a relationship with God and I knew that Jesus would be with me in the good and the bad times. There have been many things that have happened since. A year later I went on a short term mission trip with Operation Mobilisation. It was there that I received my call to ministry, although it took me a while to begin my training. I eventually began attending McMaster Divinity College, where God began to give me focus as to how I was to serve Him. Near the end of my time in seminary, Amanda and I were married and I thank God for her. She is a blessing to my life. We were blessed with two beautiful children who we love very much. I had always thought of having a family as something I wanted, but I had no idea of the stress and challenges that we would face. Early in our marriage, we lost a child in a miscarriage. We were devastated and yet God gave us strength and brought people into our life who supported us. There were also a number of frightening experiences when Amanda was pregnant with Abby. They found in the ultrasound two cysts in Abby’s brain that were potentially a sign of a fatal disorder. Many people at a number of churches prayed and we were excited to find out that the cysts dissolved and that Abby was fine. No sooner had we celebrated this answer to prayer when Amanda was in a bad car accident. The car rolled three times, skidded along the roof and just missed a hydro pole. This is not a good thing for a woman who was seven months pregnant. But again God came through and Amanda was able to literally walk away from the accident with no harm to the baby. As I look back at my life, I see God’s continual involvement. He was and is always there to help me in times of need.

You may be wondering, if God is so amazing and performs such wonderful miracles, why has he not taken away your cancer or saved your marriage. My experience is that God works in a number of ways. The God who got me out of jail and who allowed those cysts in Abby’s brain to dissolve is the same God who gave us strength through the miscarriage and who is helping us deal with Login’s autism. I can not promise you that God will snap His fingers and take away all your problems, but I can promise you that God will be there to support you. The Lord has promised us that He will never leave nor forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5) That has been my hope throughout my Christian life and that is the hope available to all who will reach out to Jesus and receive His life. It has nothing to do with our weakness and everything to do with God’s abundant love. I encourage you to give Jesus a chance and let Him give you peace and life by the grace of God.

If you would like to talk to me about experiencing the same grace in your life, call me at 519-538-2533 or email me at meafordbaptist@bmts.com